I have decided to start writing regularly, setting apart time every week to focus on chronicling the experiences and lessons I’ve received from school, relationships and life. In the last two years, I’ve received a number of prophetic words about writing outlines and books. Therefore, I’ve decided the best way to steward these words is to take the first step and actually start writing, i.e. putting my ideas out there in word-form and practicing the art of writing, even if it is messy to begin with. Everything is messy to begin with. That’s why God thought to encourage us with this verse, “Don’t despise the days of small beginnings.” (Zechariah 4:10)
This is vulnerable for me, in some sorts. In the last few posts, I’ve written more about ministry trips and class notes than I have about my own inward journey. Yes, there was that vulnerable summer post I wrote a few months ago about my journey back to Bethel, but besides that I haven’t written much about my personal journey.
I think part of that is the concern that I’ll end up sharing “too much.” I was processing this concern with my intern (who is like my personal mentor at school) during one of our monthly meetings.
To start with, I don’t want to write one of those blogs where people just gush their feelings and emotions and there is no resolution or victory.
My struggle is figuring out how to balance between vulnerability and transparency. Vulnerability is allowing others to reach their hands deep into your heart and touch you where it is the most painful. Transparency is letting others see into your heart as through a window, but they don’t get to, in a sense, ‘readjust your furniture.’
I think we should only be vulnerable with certain people that we really trust; these are the people we entrust the ‘keys of our hearts’ to. They have permission to reach into our hearts and affect the way we think, feel and behave. Transparency, on the other hand, is the reality of living authentically before others, but that doesn’t mean everyone has permission to affect how you think, feel and behave. If they did, that would be called living without boundaries.
I want to approach blogging this way. I want to be transparent, but I want to draw a line between transparency and vulnerability. I don’t want my blog to become a sort of rant, where I end up treating the World Wide Web as my personal counselor or most intimate friend. My readers may genuinely care for me, but they are not there to fill that role. There is a time and a place for ranting, but an online blog is not the place for that.
This was the concern I voiced to my intern, to which she replied, “I know what you’re talking about. I don’t like reading blogs like that either, but I don’t think you will write a blog like that. You are already good at processing your thoughts and emotions.”
Then she said, “Here is a guideline you may choose to follow: If you have gained victory in a certain area, be bold in sharing your process and how you overcame it. If you’re still in the process, maybe wait to share it until you have come to a certain victory and peace about the situation. That way, everything you write about will carry the weight of your revelation and breakthrough, and your readers will find it valuable.”
I really appreciated her advice, and so I have decided to approach this blog thusly:
- On this blog, I will share personal testimonies and breakthroughs, victories and failures—all for the sake of drawing attention to the wonderful and beautiful nature of God!
- I do not wish for this blog to be about me but only serve as an encouragement to my readers that what God is doing in my life can be done in theirs as well.
- I wish to chronicle events in my life that are significant to me, not to make any boast of my own abilities, but to serve as testimonies of this great God we serve and so that future generations (who I imagine may one day read this) may gain insight into the mysterious ways of God. (As I do not yet know how my life will unfold, I also anticipate the unveiling of such insight.)
- I want to share insights and revelation that I receive in School of Ministry (BSSM) and in the school of life, because at the end of the day our goal is to affect the culture around us, i.e. bring heaven to earth—and that can only be done together, not alone.
There may be more I wish to include in this blog in the future, but these are just the topics I thought of at the moment. I already have so many stories I wish to tell—I have them written in bullet points on a small stack of post-it notes, right here in front of me. I may get to share them all; I may not. But I am choosing to commit to the journey, starting this week.
For now, I will be posting every Monday. It may be a story, a revelation or a quote from a book or sermon that touched me deeply. In any case, it will be my sincere attempt to steward the prophetic words over my life. Whether it is writing songs or writing books, I want to be faithful with the stories God has entrusted to me, that I may tell them with all the passion and diligence that He had when writing them, seeing that every day of our lives were written in His book.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.