Excited & Wary
As I write this, I am currently 40,000 feet in the air flying towards Japan. My parents are with me; they will stay for ten days and help me settle in. As I look forward to the future, one that looked very different at the start of this year, I’m both excited and wary.
Excited because I like change, and I’ve been waiting for its arrival since the end of 2023. I just didn’t expect it to look like this. But unexpected journeys are also often the most thrilling, because everything is a surprise—unlike the plans we make where very often expectation leads to disappointment. Contrarily, I have little to no idea what this new season will look like, which—perhaps unsurprisingly—was also my state of mind when I moved to Taiwan four years ago. I think if I had mapped out how I wanted things in Taiwan to go, I would be very shocked to see how things have turned out. In many ways, I couldn’t have planned it better. As it is, I’ve decided the best course of action is just to take action and leave the planning behind. God doesn’t seem to mind my plans very much anyway.
I am also wary, because while I have few expectations, I have this one at least: challenges are coming. Actually my mom said this to me when we were praying about me moving to Japan, and it was in fact one of the reasons why we thought I should do it. Why charge on ahead if I know challenges await me? Because how else can one grow? I think part of why I’ve been craving for change is because I’ve grown complacent. Making the same videos day in and day out, singing the same songs, sharing the same stories, going through the motions—life has become too comfortable. And I don’t think we were made for comfort. I don’t even think we were made for just happiness. I think we were made to overcome challenges, to constantly grow and become more than who we are now. That’s not to say that the last four years didn’t have its challenges. They did, and thank God I grew from them. But that’s in the past now. I can’t bank tomorrow on yesterday’s victory. God knows it’s time to take a leap of faith again.
And a leap of faith it is. This time moving to Japan is the not the same as when I moved to Taiwan in 2020. For one, I am truly a foreigner in a new country. I have no family in Japan. I don’t understand the language, and admittedly I know little about their history and culture. Besides Attack on Titan and some Naruto, I’ve barely watched any anime, nor read a page of manga. My brother consumes more Japanese media than I do; yet I am the one on this plane. Strange how the Lord works.
Two, I’m more confident in who I am this time around. Is it because I’m in my 30’s now? Maybe. Is it because my relationship with my parents is stronger than before and so I feel more secure? Sounds plausible. Is it because I’m a mini-YouTuber now and have a super supportive and encouraging fanbase? That’s pretty likely too. Without discrediting any of these factors, I think the biggest difference between who I am today and who I was four years ago is that I’ve truly tasted and seen that the Lord is good, and He is faithful, and He is mighty and sovereign. “I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you…” (Job 42:5 ESV).
“Challenges are coming.” By now I’ve heard this word from more than just my mom. While most people are generally and genuinely positive about my move, there are those who feel responsible to warn me that it will not all be smooth sailing. I appreciate their concern. At the same time, I’m reminded of something a friend said a month ago. I was sharing with a new friend about my upcoming move and how I was feeing both excited and scared, when this friend interjected, “Something you should know about Melody is that she thrives on challenges.” Wow, I thought. What a compliment.
“Melody thrives on challenges.” In some ways, that is also how I see myself when I face a new challenge… Well, at least for the first few weeks, or months at best. But isn’t that like most people? Consider February or March’s drop in gym attendance compared to January’s peak. I have a level of resilience, but I’m also just as susceptible to temptation as the next person. Just as flowers cannot stay in bloom year-long, so one cannot stay “thriving” all the time. Dips along the way are to be expected, but I suppose the main difference is between those who hunker down for the winter, awaiting spring, and those who simply give up, lay down and die, essentially resorting to an eternal winter. The truth is, it is very hard to give up completely. The human spirit is incredibly resilient. Even when you think you’ve lost all hope, it only takes faith the size of a mustard seed to do great things.
So, while I’m flattered that some people consider me strong, brave, or resilient for doing the things that I do, I know in my heart that many times I am none of those things. I also know that it really doesn’t matter what I am, because my God is strong enough for me. He’s brave for me and resilient for me. In the end, I am choosing to trust in Him more than I trust in myself. I still have no idea what the future holds, but that’s okay. Japan is known as a missionary graveyard. But like Jesus said about the seed that has to die before it bears much fruit, I know there’s more than just challenges coming. I’m excited because on the other side is victory. Winter will pass, and springtime will come.
So I want to thank everyone who has given me words of blessing and encouragement for this next season, as well as those who remind me to stay vigilant and discerning. Thank you for your love and support as I embark on this new journey! Please pray I learn Japanese (I’m currently trying to memorize the three alphabets—yes, Japanese has THREE alphabets), and whatever else God wants me to learn this season. Maybe learn to fly!
興奮與謹慎
當我寫這篇文章時，我正身處40000英尺高空，飛往日本。我父母與我同行，他們會待十天並幫助我安頓下來。當我展望未來，這個看起來與今年初完全不同的未來，我既興奮又謹慎。
興奮的是我喜歡變化。
從2023年底開始，我一直在期待它的到來。只是不曾預料到會是這樣。但往往意外的旅程是最令人激動的，因為一切都是驚喜——不像我們計劃的那樣，經常會導致失望。相反，我對這個新季節幾乎一無所知，這也許並不意外，因為我四年前搬到台灣時也是這種心態。我想如果當初我設想了在台灣的生活會是怎樣，我會對現在的結果感到非常驚訝。從很多方面來說，我無法計劃得更好了。因此，我決定最佳的行動方案就是行動起來，放下計劃。
上帝似乎並不太在意我的計劃！
我也很謹慎，因為雖然我期待不多，但至少有一點：挑戰即將來到！其實，我母親在為我搬到日本禱告時就曾這麼說過，這也是我認為我應該這麼做的原因之一。既然知道挑戰在等著我，為什麼還要迎頭而上？不這樣怎麼能成長？我想我渴望變化的部分原因，是因為我已經變得自滿….每天製作同樣的視頻，唱同樣的歌，分享同樣的故事，做同樣的事，生活變得太舒適了….我不認為我們是為了舒適而生，我甚至不認為我們是為了幸福而生 。我認為我們是為了克服挑戰，為了不斷成長，成為比現在更好的人而生的。這不是說，過去四年沒有挑戰，感謝上帝，我從中成長了！但那是過去的事了，我不能依賴昨天的勝利來度過明天，上帝知道是時候，再次舞出信仰的飛躍了！
這真是一個信仰的飛躍！這次搬到日本與2020年搬到台灣不一樣。首先，我在這一個新的國家，真的是一個外國人。我在日本沒有家人，我不懂日語。坦白說，我對他們的歷史和文化知之甚少。除了《進擊的巨人》和一些《火影忍者》，我幾乎沒看過任何動畫，也沒讀過一頁漫畫，我弟弟比我更常接觸日本媒體，但在這架飛機上的，是我！上帝的作為真是奇妙。
其次，這次我對自己更有信心了！是因為我現在30多歲了嗎？也許….是因為我和父母的關係比以前更好了？所以我感到更有安全感嗎？這很有可能…..是因為我現在是一個YouTuber? 有一群超級支持和鼓勵的粉絲嗎？這也很有可能….我不貶低這些因素的可能。但我認為，今天的我，與四年前最大的不同，是我真正體驗到了上帝的美善！祂是信實的！祂是全能的和至高無上的！「我從前風聞有你，現在親眼看見你」（約伯記42:5）。
「挑戰即將到來。」到現在為止，不僅僅是我媽媽告訴我這句話，大多數人對我的搬遷，持積極和真誠的態度，但也有一些人覺得有責任提醒我，不會一帆風順的。我感謝他們的關心，同時，我也想起了一個月前，朋友說的一句話，我當時和一個新朋友分享我即將搬家的消息，以及我既興奮又害怕的感受，這位朋友插話：「你應該知道，Melody是那種在挑戰中茁壯成長的人！」哇，我想。這真是個讚美！
「Melody會在挑戰中茁壯成長的。」在某些方面，這也是我面對新挑戰時的自我形象，至少在最初的幾周，或是最多幾個月。但這不是大多數人的情況嗎？健身房一月的出勤率與二三月的來比較，我的確有一定的韌性，但我也和其他人一樣容易受到誘惑，就像花不能全年開放一樣。一個人也不能總是茁壯成長，途中出現低谷是可以預期的。但我想，主要的區別在於那些等待春天來臨的冬眠者，和那些完全放棄、倒下、死亡，實際上進入永恆冬天的人。事實上，完全放棄是非常困難的。人類的精神非常堅韌，即使你認為你已經失去了所有的希望，只要有芥菜種大小的信心，你就可以成就偉大的事！
雖然，我很受寵若驚，有些人認為我做的事情是堅強、勇敢或有韌性的，但我心裡知道，很多時候，我並不是這些特質中的任何一個。我也知道，這些特質是否在我身上並不重要，因為我的上帝足夠強大來代替我。他為我勇敢，為我堅韌。最終，我選擇信靠他勝過信靠自己。我仍然不知道未來會如何，但沒關係，日本雖然被稱為傳教士的墓地，正如耶穌所說的，種子必須死去才能結出更多果實，我知道即將來的不僅僅是挑戰，我很興奮，因為另一邊是勝利！冬天會過去，春天會來臨！
最後，我想感謝所有在這個新的季節裡，給我的祝福和鼓勵的話語，以及那些提醒我，保持警惕和分辨力的人。感謝大家在我踏上這段新的旅程時，給予的愛和支持！請禱告我能學會日語（我目前正在嘗試記住三種字母——是的，日語有三種字母），以及神希望我在這個季節學到的其他東西，也許學會飛翔……！
I am very inspired. I used to always think about my own matters, but now I am asking God, “What is your plan for me?” Seeing you mature so quickly here, you are both my companion and my role model.