I am not alone
The last ten days I was back in Taiwan. On Monday and Tuesday I filmed a live studio recording for my new Chinese worship album. The whole project came together quite last minute, but by God’s favor I was able to get all my favorite Taiwanese musicians and director into one studio (The same team I worked with for my 2022 都不落空 Never Fails Christmas musical concert). We arranged, rehearsed, and filmed five original songs, plus spontaneous moments, in two short days. It was quite an ambitious feat, but we did it!
Why did we do it? Two weeks before the recording, during worship time at school, I saw flashes of these images in my mind’s eye: me in a studio with a band recording a live studio album. I thought, “This is the answer I’ve been searching for!”
Before I explain the reason why, let me explain the question it was answering—a question that’s been bothering me for years: How can I arrange and produce music in a way that doesn’t suck all the fun out of music-making?
Allow me to elaborate.
There are those who are born to be producers. My mentor Luke Hendrickson is one of them. He loves producing music in a studio, zeroing in on the details, getting into the nitty-gritty of arrangement, recording, and mixing. He can spend hours by himself in a studio and love every second of it.
Then there are those who learned to produce music out of necessity—like me. As an independent singer-songwriter, if I want people to hear my music, I have to be able to record and produce and mix my own music, just to get it out there. Sometimes I quite enjoy the process. When I’m in the zone and the creative juices are flowing, hours pass by without me even noticing. My goal is to capture the essence of what I hear in my head into a demo.
But at the end of the day, it’s still just a demo.
If I want to make my music “radio-ready,” I have to hire professional musicians to record my arrangement and then send everything to a professional mixing engineer. This process takes time and lots of back and forth communication. Sometimes I don’t even have a demo before I send a piano and vocal track to my drummer in, say, Kansas City. He’ll record a version, and I’ll give him some notes. When he’s done, I’ll send it to my bassist, who might be in Redding, California, and then after that I might send it to a guitarist in Taiwan.
The process is long and lonely. I miss playing with a live band, where my musicians and I get to see, feel, and play off of each other. We inspire each other. I’m not by myself making decisions for what I want each instrument to do. Sometimes I like to be led too. I want the energy that’s there with us in the room to inspire how the music should be created. For me, that is the real fun of music-making: Community. Having each other, listening to one another, and building relationships in the process.
But for most of my life, music has been a solo process. I don’t know if it’s just music. If I’m honest, I’ve always felt a bit like a lone wolf. Like that Simon and Garfunkel song, “I am a rock. I am an island.” Not that I don’t like people—I am naturally an extrovert—but I’ve always been quite independent and very comfortable with doing things on my own.
Maybe it’s because I was homeschooled. I’m used to studying by myself, with only my younger brother to keep me company. If I didn’t know how to use something, my dad would tell me to read the manual and troubleshoot. At the very least, “Google it.” I learned music production the way I learned math and science: through reading and watching videos. No teacher, no classmates. I did take one ProTools recording class in community college, but besides that I relied mostly on manuals and online tutorials.
In terms of community, I learned to meet my own needs in a similar way. I still remember one specific moment when I was around 15. It was a Saturday, and morning youth group had just ended. I was outside balancing on concrete parking lot stops when I overheard the rest of the girls decide to go to the mall together. All of a sudden, everyone had left, and I was left alone in the parking lot. For a few seconds I felt a little bad for being the only one left out, but I still remember vividly the emotional change that came soon after. “It’s fine, Melody,” I told myself. “You don’t like shopping anyway. Maybe they know that, and that’s why they didn’t invite you.” I shoved the self-pity down and found comfort in myself, humming and balancing on the sidewalk. From then on, I rarely ever had FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) again.
This is just one example, but this and other moments like it over the years are the reason for a belief I tend to have: “I am alone, and I have to do everything on my own.”
It’s also why I always seem to hit a ceiling when it comes to music production (Again, it’s probably much broader than just music), because there’s only so much you can do on your own. Sure, there are the multi-talented unicorns, like Kanye West and Ryan Tedder, who write, sing, and produce their own music—but even they have a team supporting them. They are surrounded by tons of other talented writers, musicians, and producers. Every single song involves dozens of creatives; the success of one album hinges on the contributions of hundreds of people, including A&R (artist management), marketing, and design.
“I am alone” is unsustainable in the music industry—and in life. As they say, “If you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far go together.”
As the years roll by, that statement only feels more true. Each time the phase of music production rolls around, I dread it. It’s gotten so far that I’ve even scrapped entire album productions midway only to hire another producer to do it for me. At the time, I told myself it was because I didn’t think my music production was good enough. Now, I think maybe it’s because I just didn’t want to do it alone anymore. I flushed all my previous work down the drain just so I could be in the studio with another producer, even if it was just to watch and listen.
In one case, I didn’t even end up liking how he produced my songs, and that was a disappointing lesson for me to learn. So for my last two projects (i.e. my first Chinese worship EP “黑秀美” released in 2023, and the current EP I’m working on) I decided to take things back into my own hands. But unsurprisingly, like before, I dreaded the process and hit a ceiling.
So back to that morning at church when I saw flashes of this scene: me in a studio with a band recording a live studio album. I thought, “This is the answer I’ve been searching for! I’ll just rent a studio, fill it with my favorite musicians, play and arrange the music together, and then film the whole thing.”
When my mom heard the idea, she said, “Go for it.” We only had two weeks however, because that was the weekend I was already planning to come back to Taiwan, to sing at a friend’s wedding. I called up my musicians, and one by one they agreed. From the band to the studio to the music video director to my on-site engineer—all of them just happened to have that Monday and Tuesday off. Every single person was available.
Fully prepared to scrap the idea at any point, I saw this as a sign. “If the stars align,” I had told my musicians, and it seemed like they were aligning. My little dream was coming true. All the way up to the day of rehearsal, I couldn’t believe all of this had come together in only two weeks.
It was an ambitious feat. Not only were we rearranging five original songs as a band, the entire album would be filmed from start to finish as one continuous live worship session with spontaneous moments interspersed throughout the set. My desire was for everyone’s creative energy to let loose and allow that inspiration to lead the music where it should go.
And it was the most fun I’ve had with a band in a long time.
Later when Ting interviewed each of them for the behind-the-scenes video, they all expressed their surprise that we could pull off something like this in two weeks and that they each just happened to have these two days off. Everyone was excited to be part of it. It felt like God had brought us together.
After the recording wrapped, I got to talk some more with the drummer and director. They gave me some insight into the Taiwanese music industry, offering tips about how to take my music to the next level. Many of the things they said I knew in my head but didn’t know how to implement practically for one simple reason: “I am alone,” I said.
To be fair, it is quite impossible to achieve these goals when you have to do everything by yourself, which has been my experience for the past 20+ years of making music.
Even in terms of being a YouTuber—as many content creators can relate to, I’m sure—I’ve had to learn to do everything on my own, from coming up with video ideas, setting up the camera, lighting, filming, editing, adding sound effects, color grading, making thumbnails, cutting reels, and posting to social media. If there’s anything I don’t know how to do, the internet is a great resource for learning new things and troubleshooting.
As a result, I’ve become comfortable with being an independent creator, as well as an independent music artist, and what I mean by that is I’ve become comfortable with ‘good-enough.’ I tell myself, “I know my videos don’t look the best or my music could be arranged a lot better, but for a girl doing everything by herself, I think it’s pretty good!”
To be fair, I think I have been doing a pretty good job up until now. When I asked an AI specialist who used to manage artists for a living how I could improve my channel, he said, “Just keep doing what you’re doing.” Sometimes when I hear advice like that, I don’t know whether to feel encouraged or frustrated. I would like to know how to improve, but it seems to him that it’s just a matter of time.
Well, now it’s time.
When I said, “I am alone,” both the drummer and director reassured me, “Melody, you are not alone.” If I had any questions about music production or filming, I could just text or call them.
Over this past year, people left and right have also started reaching out, wanting to help. Even this website melodyhwangmusic.com was a gift. On my birthday, a friend of ours who has been helping to add captions to our 美樂地家庭 videos surprised me with this website that he had been secretly working on for the past year.
“I am alone” is a lie. If I think that everything I achieved, I achieved on my own, then I am embarrassingly ignorant. Melody, just think about at all the people who have supported and encouraged you over the years. Most of all, my mom and dad. How many children can say they have parents who not only support their dreams but also make time consistently to be part of what they’re doing? “美樂地家庭” is what it is because my parents are the most awesome parents on the face of the earth.
I didn’t get here on my own, nor will I be able to move forward on my own.
God is teaching me the importance of community, and I think that’s also why He brought me to Tokyo. The church I am part of now not only focuses on evangelism and outreach, they also have a strong emphasis on community. Hence, living together in a share house.
I’m still learning what it means to be part of a community. “I am not alone.” I don’t have to do everything by myself, whether that is editing videos or arranging music—or even eating out and going to the movies.
I’ve gotten used to doing things on my own, but there’s only so much you can do as a solo act.
I’m at the beginning of a new journey, but the first step is Surrender: surrendering my old ways of doing things; surrendering my independence and maybe even the pride I have for doing everything by myself; and surrendering my need for control and perfectionism.
From January when I thought I was moving to New York City to now living in Tokyo, Japan, this whole year has been one big lesson on surrender.
This verse is still written on the whiteboard in my room in Taipei: Isaiah 55:8-9, “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’”
For now, replacing my thoughts with God’s thoughts starts with believing “I am not alone.” If anything, I know the Lord is cheering me on as I learn to step out of my limited thinking and venture to reach out to others.
As they say, “If you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far go together.”
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「我不是孤單一人。」
過去十天，我回到了台灣。週一和週二，我在錄音室錄製了我新的中文敬拜專輯的現場演出。這個整體企劃在最後一刻才完成，但因著上帝的恩典，我得以邀請到我最喜愛的台灣音樂家和導演們齊聚一堂（同一組團隊曾參與我 2022 年的《都不落空》聖誕音樂會）。我們在短短的兩天內編曲、排練並錄製了五首原創歌曲，以及一些即興的時刻。這是一個相當有野心的壯舉，但我們做到了！
為什麼我們要這樣做？錄製前的兩週，在學校的敬拜時間，我在心中看到了這樣的畫面：我和樂隊在錄音室錄製一張現場專輯。我心想：「這就是我一直在尋找的答案！」
在我解釋這個原因之前，讓我先解釋它所回答的問題——一個困擾我多年的問題：我怎麼能編曲和製作音樂，而不會讓音樂製作變得乏味？
請允許我詳細說明。
有些人天生就是製作人。我的導師路克·亨德里克森就是其中之一。他喜歡在錄音室製作音樂，專注於細節，深入研究編曲、錄音和混音的細微之處。他可以獨自在錄音室裡待上幾個小時，並且享受每一刻。
然後是那些出於需要而學會製作音樂的人——比如我。作為一名獨立的創作歌手，如果我希望人們聽到我的音樂，我必須能夠自己錄製、製作和混音我的音樂，只是為了讓它承現。有時候，我相當享受這個過程。當我進入狀態並且創造力源源不斷時，時間會在不知不覺中流逝。我目標是將我腦海中聽到的精髓轉化為一個樣本。
但說到底，那還只是一個樣本。
如果我想讓我的音樂達到「適合播放的水平」，我必須聘請專業的音樂家來錄製我的編曲，然後將所有東西送到專業的混音師那裡。這個過程需要時間和大量的來回溝通。有時候，在我把鋼琴和人聲音軌寄給我的鼓手之前，我甚至沒有一個樣本，比如說在堪薩斯市的鼓手。他會錄製一個版本，我會給他一些意見。當他完成後，我會將其發送給可能在加利福尼亞州雷丁的貝斯手，之後再發送給台灣的一位吉他老師。
這個過程漫長而孤獨。我想念和現場樂隊一起演奏的時光，在那裡我和音樂家們能夠互相觀看、感受並相互激發。我們彼此啟發。我不是一個人決定每個樂器應該做什麼。有時候我也喜歡被引導。我希望房間裡的能量能夠激發音樂應該如何創作。對我來說，這才是音樂製作的真正樂趣：社群。擁有彼此，聆聽彼此，並在這個過程中建立關係。
但在我生命的大部分時間裡，音樂都是獨自一人的過程。我不知道這是否僅僅是音樂。如果我誠實的話，我一直感覺自己有點像一匹孤狼。就像西蒙和加芬克爾的歌詞，「我是一塊磐石，我是一座島嶼。」這並不是說我不喜歡人——我天生是個外向的人——但我一直很獨立，也很習慣自己一個人做事情。
也許是因為我接受了在家自學的教育。我習慣自己學習，只有我的弟弟在身邊陪伴。如果我不知道怎麼使用某樣東西，我的爸爸會叫我讀手冊和解決問題。至少會說，「谷歌一下。」我學習音樂製作的方式和學習數學和科學的方式一樣：通過閱讀和觀看視頻。沒有老師，也沒有同學。我確實在社區大學上過一門 ProTools 錄音課，但除此之外，我主要依靠手冊和線上教學。
在社群方面，我學會了以類似的方式滿足自己的需求。我還記得一個特定的時刻，當時我大概十五歲。那是星期六，早晨的青少年團契剛剛結束。我在戶外平衡在混凝土的停車場擋車塊上，突然聽到其她女孩決定一起去逛商場。突然之間，每個人都離開了，我被獨自留在停車場裡。有幾秒鐘的時間，我因為是唯一一個被落下的人而感到有點難過，但我仍然清楚地記得隨後的情感變化。「沒關係，美樂地，」我對自己說。「反正你也不喜歡逛街。也許她們知道這一點，所以沒有邀請你。」我把自憐的情緒壓抑了下去，並在自我中找到了安慰，一邊哼唱一邊平衡在路邊。從那時起，我很少再有錯過的恐懼（FOMO）。
這只是其中一個例子，但多年的此類時刻就是我傾向於這種信念的原因：「我孤單一人，我必須獨自完成一切。」
這也是為什麼當涉及到音樂製作時，我總是會碰到天花板（同樣，這可能不僅僅是音樂），因為獨自一人能做的事是有限的。當然，也有像 Kanye West 和 Ryan Tedder 這樣的多才多藝的獨角獸，他們寫歌、演唱並製作自己的音樂——但即使是他們，也有一個支持他們的團隊。他們被許多其他有才華的作家、音樂家和製作人包圍著。每首歌曲都涉及數十位創意者；一張專輯的成功取決於數百人的貢獻，包括藝人管理（A&R）、行銷和設計。
「我孤單一人」在音樂產業中——乃至於人生中——是不可繼續的。正如他們所說，「如果你想走得快，就獨自前行；如果你想走得遠，就一起走。」
隨著歲月流逝，這句話變得更加真實。每次音樂製作階段來臨，我都會感到厭倦。這已經到了這樣的地步：我甚至中途放棄了整個專輯製作，只為聘請另一位製作人來為我完成。當時，我告訴自己，這是因為我認為我的音樂製作不夠好。現在，我認為是因為我不再想一個人做了。我將我之前的所有工作付諸東流，只為了能夠和另一位製作人一起待在錄音室裡，即使只是觀察和聆聽。
在其中一個案例中，我甚至不喜歡他製作我的歌曲方式，這是一個令人失望的教訓。所以在我的最後兩個項目中（我的第一張中文敬拜 EP《黑秀美》於 2023 年發行，還有我目前正在進行的 EP），我決定將事情重新掌握在自己手中。但不出所料，像以前一樣，我對這個過程感到厭倦並遇到了瓶頸。
回到那個在教堂的早晨，我看到這樣的畫面：我和樂隊在錄音室錄製一張現場專輯。我心想：「這就是我一直在尋找的答案！我只需要租一個錄音室，邀請我最喜歡的音樂家一起演奏和編曲，然後拍攝整個過程。」
當我媽媽聽到這個想法時，她說：「去做吧。」然而，我們只有兩週的時間，因為那個週末我已經計劃回台灣，參加朋友的婚禮。我打電話給我的音樂家們，一個接一個，他們都同意了。從樂隊到錄音室，再到音樂錄影帶導演和現場工程師——他們全都碰巧在週一和週二有空。每個人都能參與。
充分準備隨時放棄這個想法，我把這視為一種徵兆。「如果星星排成一線，」我告訴我的音樂家們，看來它們真的排成了一線。我的小夢想正在成真。一直到排練的那天，我都無法相信所有這些在短短兩週內就完成了。
這是一個雄心勃勃的壯舉。我們不僅作為樂隊重新編排了五首原創歌曲，整張專輯還將從頭到尾拍攝成一個連續的現場敬拜會，並在整個演出中穿插即興創作的時刻。我的願望是讓每個人的創造能量釋放出來，讓這種靈感引導音樂應該如何發展。
這是我和樂隊一起度過的最開心的時光之一。
後來，婷在幕後花絮視頻中訪問了每一位成員，他們都表達了對我們能在兩週內完成這樣一件事感到驚訝，而且他們碰巧都在這兩天有空。每個人都很高興能成為其中的一部分。這感覺就像上帝把我們聚集在一起。
錄製結束後，我有機會與鼓手和導演進一步交談。他們給我提供了一些台灣音樂產業的見解，並給我一些如何將我的音樂提升到下一個層次的建議。他們所說的許多事情我在腦海中知道，但不知道如何實際操作，原因只有一個簡單的原因：「我孤單一人。」
事實上，當你必須獨自完成所有事情時，實現這些目標幾乎是不可能的，這就是我過去 20 多年創作音樂的經歷。
即使在成為 YouTuber 方面——相信很多內容創作者也能理解這一點——我已經學會了如何獨自完成所有事情，從想出視頻的想法、設置相機、照明、拍攝、編輯、添加音效、調色、製作縮略圖、剪輯短片到發佈到社交媒體。如果有任何我不知道如何做的事情，互聯網是一個學習新事物和排除故障的好資源。
結果，我對成為獨立創作者以及獨立音樂藝術家感到自如，我的意思是我對“夠好”感到滿意。我告訴自己：「我知道我的視頻看起來不是最好的，或者我的音樂可以安排得更好，但對於一個自己做所有事情的女孩來說，我覺得已經不錯了！」
公平地說，我認為我到目前為止做得相當不錯。當我問一位曾經為生管理藝術家的 AI 專家如何改善我的頻道時，他說：「繼續做你正在做的事情就好。」有時候，當我聽到這樣的建議時，我不知道是該感到鼓舞還是沮喪。我想知道如何改進，但對他來說，這似乎只是時間問題。
好吧，現在是時候了！
當我說「我孤單一人」時，鼓手和導演都安慰我：「美樂地，你並不孤單。」如果我對音樂製作或拍攝有任何疑問，我可以直接發短信或打電話給他們。
在過去一年裡，人們紛紛主動幫助我。甚至這個網站 melodyhwangmusic.com 也是一個禮物。在我的生日那天，一位幫助為我們的美樂地家庭視頻添加字幕的朋友給了我一個驚喜，這個網站是他過去一年來秘密製作的。
「我孤單一人」是一個謊言。如果我認為我所取得的一切都是靠自己完成的，那麼我就顯得非常無知。美樂地，想想那些多年來支持和鼓勵你的人。最重要的是，我的媽媽和爸爸。有多少孩子能說他們有父母不僅支持他們的夢想，還會一直參與他們所做的事情？「美樂地家庭」之所以如此，是因為我的父母是地球上最棒的父母。
我不是靠自己到達這裡的，也不可能靠自己繼續前進。
上帝在教導我社群的重要性，我認為這也是祂帶我來到東京的原因。我現在所屬的教會不僅專注於傳福音和外展，他們還非常重視社群。因此，我們住在一起的分享屋。
我仍在學習成為社群一部分的意義。「我不是孤單一人。」無論是剪輯視頻還是編排音樂——甚至是出去吃飯和看電影，我都不必一個人完成。
我已經習慣了自己做事，但作為一個獨奏行動，你能做到的事情是有限的。
我正踏上新的旅程，但第一步是「放下」：放下我過去做事情的方式；放下我的獨立性，甚至是對自己完成所有事情的自豪感；放下我對控制和完美主義的需求。
從一月份我以為自己要搬到紐約，到現在住在東京，日本，這整年都是放下的一大課題。
這句經文仍寫在我台北房間的白板上：以賽亞書 55:8-9，「耶和華說：『我的意念非同你們的意念，我的道路非同你們的道路。天怎樣高過地，照樣，我的道路高過你們的道路，我的意念高過你們的意念。』」
現在，將我的想法轉變為上帝的想法，從相信「我不是孤單一人」開始。當我學會走出自己的局限思維，敢於向他人伸出手時，我知道主在為我加油！
正如他們所說：「如果你想走得快，就獨自前行；如果你想走得遠，就一起走。」
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